A day of concern

Insect: one little black earwig thing that scared me to death in my kitchen

T5B: 1) I am loved by my ward. (I have been longing to feel loved and have not really felt that way recently - but today there was an amazing outpouring of love from the members and I am very grateful for that.) 2) My kitchen is clean. 3) My lunches are made for the week. 4) I was able to relax a little. 5) I got a blessing from the elders today.

basal temp: 36.47

This morning started out too early for me. I woke up an hour before my alarm was supposed to go off, but took my temp just in case I couldn't fall back asleep. Once again I laid awake for an hour as my cramps raged through my abdomen and lower back. I finally got up and struggled, hobbling around, to get ready. I was feeling pretty worried because though I had a ride lined up, I found out there is no better bike for me. One of the zone leaders scavenged it for parts. :/ Even IF it had been there, I don't know if I could have ridden it anyway. I tried to steel myself for the walk home. (Is that the word I want? Everyday I think I lose a little more English.) I had considered going to the back before Fumie-shimai showed up, but I lacked both the energy and willpower. She showed up right on time and I got a nice ride to church. Well, it was air conditioned so I was able to writhe in pain in the cool air rather than the humidity outside. (For which I truly am grateful.) She tried to make conversation and I felt badly but I was in so much pain and so nauseous it was hard for me to focus. I just wanted to wink out of existence. When we got to church, I thanked her profusely (I gave her that candle I got), then I proceeded to hobble upstairs. Seiko-shimai could tell something was wrong. She asked me question after question so finally I got out my translator (on my phone) and put in "endometriosis." She read it out loud in Japanese, gasped and immediately started to feel badly for me and then proceeded to walk around tell EVERYONE. Uh... I don't mind if they know, but I know other people sometimes mind if they know. If that makes sense? Most men don't want to hear about what's wrong with my uterus. What's up with that!? ;) Shortly after I sat down I just started to cry. I hurt SO much and my pain medication didn't seem to be helping and I was just feeling hopeless. One of the zone leaders came over and chatted with me but I felt so embarrassed. Like, "Let me cry and die here in peace!" I felt like I had to justify why I was crying and it was just overwhelming to have people around me at all. (At home on days like this for school I would skip class. On Sundays I would do Sacrament meeting only. :/ There HAS to be an answer - something to make my life liveable!)

Fast and testimony meeting was good - I didn't get much out of it though. :( Elder Hakaraia translated for me but it was like he was throwing me fastballs coated in vegetable oil. I just couldn't GRASP the words at all. They just crowded around my head knocking on my brain and I couldn't process them. I just, again, started crying because the pain was so overwhelming. Then something extra great happened - Yasue showed up. :) We've adopted each other. She is my older sister and I am her younger sister (a first for us both). She had emailed me to let me know she was coming and so I was able to bring her a gift I have been meaning to give her for a couple weeks. We hugged each other and she was able to translate for Shinoki-shimai who, in addition to being the Relief Society president, is a nurse. She also mentioned that she read on my blog my problems about not getting money to get groceries. She and Shinoki told me about the biggest JP (Japan Post - yes the postal service but it's also a bank here) in Morioka. It's about 5-10 minutes from me by bike (depending on lights). Together they described to me how to get there. It's open until 2300! So I will be able to get the money today or Tuesday (probably Tuesday - maybe even Wednesday if I still am feeling like death). Then we went to RS and Yasue translated for me. I don't know if she noticed, but Sister Johnson also profited from her translation (she's a new missionary so her Japanese is new too). It was wonderful! After church I said goodbye and we hugged again. I'm so grateful she was able to come. :)

I then got a blessing from the elders. After me giving a brief description of my "illness" they opted to give me a blessing of comfort rather than sickness. I wanted the Lord to say, "And you WILL get answers at the doctor on Saturday," but no such luck. :/ Still it was nice to have a blessing all the same. Then I skyped my maman and papa. At the end they were joined by Simone and Angèle. It was really great to talk to them. They caught me up on them and home life there and I mostly cried. :/ All the same, it was good to talk to them. After I said goodbye to them, I was approached by Shinoki-s and another sister. They asked me all kinds of questions in Japanese that I didn't understand. I tried to answer them and finally they grabbed Elder Norawong. They were asking me about my doctor visit before and about the next time I was going in. They all urged me to go to the hospital. When I told them about my impending (doom) visit on Saturday Shinoki said she wanted to come. Then she said Yasue would as well (sorry Yasue! If you can't go, please don't worry.) Then Elder Norawong asked the sister missionaries to go as well. I told them they didn't have to as the last time I went I was there for 4-4.5 hours. Ick. So there may or may not be a crowd with me this Saturday. At first I was frustrated by the Spanish Inquisition (as nobody expects it ;D), but I realize in retrospect how much I am loved. And here I have been praying to feel loved and I it took me all day to recognize it. Sorry sisters, and thank you! Then Fumie-shimai gave me a ride home. I really appreciated that so much.

After I got home, I just laid down. I felt like I had been through the ringer a hundred times that day. I was overwhelmed by my pain, the sheer volume of people that had talked to me, and the lack of relaxation/rest time. Last night after I posted I was able to do some cleaning, but there was still some cleaning to be done today and that was overwhelming too. I tried to quiet my mind and just RELAX. I watched a couple episodes of Darker Than Black (actually finished it though it said there was one more episode but I don't have it). I then grabbed some food and laid down some more. Around 1900 I got up and cooked my lunches for the week. After that was finished I washed dishes and was startled by that bug. Then here I am writing. I hope tomorrow goes smoothly. I need some win in my future. Also if my cramps could go away, that would be great. Love you all! XOXO, A (Oh! I've thought of what I meant - it was too taxing to talk to anyone. When you're using all your energy to not burst into tears conversation gets REALLY tricky.)

A fact I forgot to include in my fun facts: It's September! 0.o I can'na believe it! I'm forgetting something else... dang it.

Anjo and I were making faces at each other - and Pony just stares at people! ;)