blessings: 1) Yasue and Shinoki care about me. 2) I had company for the long wait at the doctor's office. 3) I burned my finger pretty badly making some popcorn but the blister is pretty small. 4) At least my nose works - going to go through another box of tissues at this rate. 5) I went to the grocery store to try and buy myself a treat - nothing looked good, but I did buy some chocolate and more ramen peanuts. 6) This visit was MUCH cheaper - the last one was $67, this one was $6. 7) The medicine was cheap - $5. (So I used $10 to buy some groceries and then put the other $20 I had pulled to pay for the visit aside for my taxes due at the end of the month - $20.)
basal temp: 36.28
I waited for 3-3.5 hours to see the doctor. I'm glad I had Yasue and Shinoki-s with me. They kept me company. When we got back to the doctor, two times I tried to say something and he cut me off/talked over me. Why won't anyone HEAR me who is in a position to help!? He tried to give me birth control - seriously dude!? If it were THAT easy, wouldn't I have thought of that 17 years ago!? I'm not a moron! Ya, doesn't work. So he gave me pain meds. Shinoki-s asked him about the surgery but he told me to get it in the US. Cuz you know, I can just go there this weekend and do that and have some relief. I cried in his office - not as a tactic but because I was so frustrated with the way he was treating me and I was in so much pain and it felt like he was lording it over me and passing a sentence of more pain on me. He got all uncomfortable when I cried and wanted me to stop. I don't WANT to cry in public - I want to be able to live my life! He also barely glanced at the chart I made. He nodded at it - told me I had filled it out well and NO information about it, what it meant for me, if it was normal/abnormal. Just "hmm, good job." ..... !? (Between social medicine and the system in the US right now... I intensely dislike both! I thought in Japan that YOU, as a person, mattered and that's why the cost was lower because their interest was in HEALING not making money. Now I can see it's a giant conveyor belt. :c I miss Blake. He's a PAC in Utah who LISTENED when I told him what was up. My visits to him were short and sweet. "What's going on?" I would describe my symptoms and my thoughts on what it is I had. "Sounds good. I'll xyz." <--- that's how it should happen!)
Sorry, I've been sobbing the last two hours. I just ... I just don't understand why doctors don't LISTEN. I'M ME. I LIVE with me. I KNOW my body. Why did he refuse to listen to me!? I took one of the pills after lunch and it helped some. The pain is back full force and I just want to give up. I have enough for 7 days. Am I supposed to go back every week? Am I supposed to become some sort of addict? He spoke to Shinoki and Yasue for a few minutes and said 3-4 sentences to me. Yes thank you for your time. :,c At least I know I am worth Yasue and Shinoki's time. I still felt really badly I took up so much of their Saturday.
I burnt my finger making popcorn and the handle broke on my big pan :c - that's how I burned my finger - catching the pan.
Most of the day I have laid in bed in pain and in tears. I don't know what else to do. I hope you're all doing much better than me emotionally and physically. Sorry about the pessimism. I don't know what to do. Sheesh - why does your head have to ache after crying? Isn't it enough to have been crying so long? But hey, love you all. XOXO, A
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