*sighs*

insect count: 0 (mmm)

Today was much less successful than I wanted it to be. I never heard back from Aiina (which was actually was a relief). I got very little sleep. I spent a lot of time this morning in bed (just exhausted), cried a bunch, tried to feel better, didn't do very well. Of course the day after I decide, "I WILL be happy." My brain won't agree! I'm not sure how to get around it. In any case, I needed to run some errands so at some point I finally got out the door and then I got lost. :/ But it was the first ok obstacle of the day. I was slightly worried but felt capable as I had my phone with me. I checked my maps and got back on track. I bought some things I need at the dollar store ~ including little gifts for the McDonald girls who are coming. I would post a picture (I have one, but in case Abbey reads this post I don't want her to see her gift!). I'll post it later. Then I went by the grocery store (that's when I got lost in back streets). When I got there, I grabbed some food and left. When I got home I downloaded Audacity (a program I LOVE), and TuxGuitar (another program I love!). So yay for that. I also edited a song that I really like "Thrift Shop," by Macklemore. It took forever though! Midway I was thinking, "Do I really like the song THAT much?" LOL But I am glad I edited it. I think my sisters will really like it too. We'll see. I emailed Ang's phone to ask for her email to let her hear it. Oh that lemon cheese is AWESOME! I got to email my bff and msg them too. I am hoping for better tomorrow. I'm not sure why this funk now and how to shake it. I am going to redo all the music on my mp3 player though. As the screen broke I can't control the music while it is playing except to skip songs - I can't even see what is playing before it starts. So I want to put songs that will put me in a really great mood and have only that on there so it won't matter what's playing: I will HAVE to be happy. I wish I felt more in control of my emotions. :/ Still working on it. Hopefully I continue to get better at not being upset. I'm feeling REALLY blessed that I will friends here for the summer. I think it would be very bad for me right now to spend a lot of time alone. I wish my mind would just ACCEPT we're here alone in Japan. Every weekend it's like, "Remember how all our loved ones are in the US?" And I remind it about the members here and the missionaries and the teachers and the students but it won't listen until Monday. (Well until I work again - it's like those people don't exist until it sees them again.) I refuse to get on anti-depressants again. I tried 10-15 different ones and they all made me feel worse. I keep praying for the answer to my loneliness and low moods. I ask for people to serve. I ask for uplift. I ask to know for what I should ask. I don't have the key yet. I hope I find it soon. I'm glad I have Church. I wish he could talk though! At least he's not afraid of me anymore. :) ~ Yesterday I changed his water and I didn't have a net so I had to catch him by hand. I may have traumatized him, however maybe he realized my end when I put him back in clean water. :) I hope you are all well. XOXO, A

horse statues I found while I was lost

that's the Maruichi where I buy my groceries (I live on the same side of the street as it - but I got lost on the other side of the street because the Daiso was on this side)

this is the sugar section ~ I need one of them to make this dish I want to make... I just don't know which one I need! So many sugars!