The strange keeps coming

Today did not start out well. I couldn't fall asleep last night because I was so panicky. I keep FREAKING out about today and I don't know why! I double checked my lessons, they were good to go. I was only teaching one new lesson (because luckily the other third grade teachers wanted to do the lesson I did with Oikawa-sensei's class). In any case, it took a long time to fall asleep, I slept poorly and woke up with a migraine. Sheesh. I was ok in the morning until the bus got within two blocks of the school. Suddenly I thought my heart was going to pound out of my chest or I would cry or something. I have no IDEA what is bringing these levels of panic. I mean I know my period amplifies my emotions but today should be the last day and what the heck anyway!? I used to have a lot of panic attacks but those were founded. These are not. Yuck.

In any case, my first class went well - and it was after that class that I finally felt like me again. Whew! My first grade class in the morning went very well. That same group of girls cheered when I entered the room. Aww! And at one point I laughed really hard at some joke I made and the students were stunned for a split second then laughed REALLY hard at me. It was a little shocking and I think they were laughing at my laugh, but then I laughed at their laughter. Good times were had by all.

The next class I taught was one where I haven't had much success. The class has just been very "meh" with me. It's hard for me because I plan what I think are these really fun games and they are like, "We play them because we HAVE to." And some won't even do that! In any case, I planned this game and thought, "Take 10!" But today I was golden! They loved the game, they really got into it! Because their chapter is on sushi, Oikawa-sensei asked me to prepare a communicatory activity where they would learn English for sushi words. This class's English level is pretty low so I had an idea, ran it by Limor and she thought it was great so I made the game Saturday and hoped Oikawa-sensei would like it. I made little cards that had sushi words in Japanese and then the English for them on the next card. I printed them out, cut them up, and passed them out at random. I told them to find their match (partner) and then I gave them a half sheet of paper and asked them to draw a picture and then write a sentence about their sushi in English. (Well, they had to say, "This is ___________ (Japanese) or ___________ (English)." Then one additional sentence. They really ate it up! I guess they like to draw! Then Oikawa-sensei and I wrote two questions on the board about sushi and a formula for answering and went around and talked to the students. (That part they liked less.) In any case, on the way back to the staff room O-s said the English was jhs or even elementary English but that the students really enjoyed talking to me. (I'm not sure if he was telling me my activity was too easy, which is possible with the way they communicate here ~beating WAY around the bush~ or if he was commenting on their low level of English.) Anyway, the class COOPERATED and enjoyed themselves. I care about that! Oh also, I was goofing off at the beginning of class and dancing up front and I really impressed this one boy and he started telling all his friends so I got to show off a little. lol

After that I had lunch and some prep periods. I was supposed to teach five lessons today but it got knocked down to four as one teacher had been double-booked. That lesson was rescheduled to later in the week and all is well.

Then I had one more class to teach: the new lesson. (Oh wait! I had two new lessons today - this one and the sushi one. Doh!) In any case, the lesson went really well until the end. We were supposed to play charades as GROUPS. I asked Hashimoto-sensei if they would actually play and he said he thought they would as groups (group mentality). In any case, I had a battle of wills with one group - spent a minute asking them to get up and waiting and other students telling them to hurry up. Wow - it was just REALLY frustrating. They were so obstinate. Then the bell rang. One kid was like, "Haha!" I wanted to tell him he'd perform alone in front of the class next time! Sheesh - just rude and it was so STUPID. It was all in fun and I had done examples by myself ~ and the worst part for me is, when one group won't do it, then the rest usually follow suit (group mentality). *sigh* SO FRUSTRATING! Anyway, that was the class in which I taught present progressive. In the third section of their worksheet they had to write the gerund for a verb in parentheses. Then the last one was blank (for them to choose): Ann is ___________. Most of them answered: walking/talking/smiling/teaching/speaking English. Well one student wrote: dieting. At first I felt my stomach drop. Then I realized, if that student is saying that, it's because they've noticed all the weight I have lost. Yes I have lost weight. Do I need to diet? No. Will I ever diet again? No. I don't need it. Then the very next paper said, "Ann is beautiful." Perfect timing. :) It warmed my heart. I wrote: "Aww thank you! Now: _____ing." LOL Still it was much appreciated. Especially after that mini scare.

The bus ride home was a blur - man today it rained and each time it rained it would get (literally) .1 degrees cooler but the humidity would go up 5%. We started at 28° and 70% and luckily the temperature dropped .5 before that. But then it went 27.2° and 75% and then 27.1° and 80% humidity. Then the last move was 27° and 82%. Yuck. But I'm really acclimating. When I'm teaching I get overheated because I'm running around and exerting myself. After I cool down at my desk, I'm fine. I can feel the stickiness of the air and my desk, but I'm doing ok. Especially after Argentina! And back then I was outdoors. So at least I get to be indoors (and when the sun is out that is much better!). Home was good - read a couple short stories, messaged a friend, then suddenly I got an email about training. We have to demo an unsuccessful lesson and a successful one. It just boggles my mind what they think is helpful. I got really upset and sent an email to my head teacher. (Oops - probably should have waited til my period blew over completely but too late now.) This is what I said: (after the salutation) Question - why are doing demos for training? I don't understand why we can't just talk about our successes and failures - obviously we KNOW they were a success or a failure so why do we have to stand up and relive that rather than just talk about it? This upcoming training is feeling like an exercise in humiliation already. I don't understand why we can't round table discuss it. Why is that not an option? I don't relish the idea of looking and feeling like a fool in front of my colleagues. I KNOW the lesson didn't work so why can't I just ask for alternative ideas? Thanks, Ann" I have had two main complaints about training: demos, and having to plan lessons with other teachers. I mentioned to Ann a couple weeks ago that I didn't want to do those things because they weren't helpful to me. When am I planning my lessons with my coworkers? Never. Barely even with those at my school! Plus the demos take up SO much time and I feel stupid watching them and stupid doing them. They're not helpful to me at all. That's why I suggested to her that what would help me is a session where people shared ideas. "This worked, this didn't work." I don't know how that turned into: demo poorly, demo well. What the heck!? It made me cry I was so upset. It sounds like the other trainings we've had. The ones here in Morioka are nothing like the hell of Tokyo - but I still really didn't have a good time. Plus there's only going to be 8-9 of us! And 2 of those aren't teachers (Bryan and Tsukasa). I say 8-9 because Sebastien (yes a French guy) is notorious for never coming to trainings. -- He didn't come to the other huge one with everyone in our branch. Anyway, poor Limor is having a training with 5 people she intensely dislikes. I've calmed down now, but at the moment thinking about it is working me up again. I mean I've never really had "FUN" training - but this is as bad as the CS training at Pinnacle. (A 3 week course crammed into 3 days and then we were dumped on the phones. AWFUL. Stressful and worthless.) Ann's reply was encouraging. She said I didn't have to demo if I didn't want to (not sure if she technically has that power - she's my head teacher but Bryan is over us), but the thought that I won't have to do something that, honestly, makes me want to cry all over again... I really hope I don't have to do it!

Well, I need to get ready for bed - I'm exhausted! Hope everyone will have a great Monday! My day wasn't all bad - just started and ended poorly. The good news is that even though my period was a week early, it's only been (and hopefully will hold to it though I'll have to wait a couple days to be sure) 7 days long and the cramp pain has decreased by 50%. That means I'm in a LOT of pain - BUT I can walk around with needing a percocet or loritab. Well, maybe I'm still sort of limping/shuffling - but I have noticed a big decrease in pain and I am very grateful for that. Love you all! XOXO, A

(after I got home from work) - evidence of what humidity does to my hair!