When I got home I moved my printer to the desk and rearranged things a little so there would be less things on the floor around my bed. It was starting to be too much. I then read some more of my book (Crime and Punishment - I'm 3/4 done now. It's as I said yesterday, a very interesting read. Sometimes it's hard to keep the characters straight with their Russian names that are similar and then they will call the same character by another name that one does not usually see. I'm sure this is some sort of cultural Russian thing. In the meantime I have had a little trouble at times keeping thing straight! LOL)
After having an icky day yesterday I just wanted to ACCOMPLISH something so that I would feel like today was good. Well, I did pay my tithing. I got out of doors when it was the hottest day, thus far, of the year. I survived the heat tolerably well with preventative measures (as I did in Argentina). I got my desk set up. After I write this I will print off my worksheets that I have ready for this week and next week for my third graders. I am feeling, however, dissatisfied. I wish I could pinpoint the source and be rid of it. I have accomplished much and continue to accomplish much! And as my parents pointed out to me, and I am grateful for their insight, I have grown emotionally here in Japan. At times it feels like I will never be fully emotionally developed, lol. I look back and can say, "Look how I handled x! I did so much better than I would have done a year ago." It has really been my parents who have always pointed out such things to me, and I am grateful for it. However, will it end? Will I finally stop having a hard time with certain things? I suppose it can be said that THAT is all in my hands in a way. But at the same time I feel like I have so little control over most aspects of my life. It's like I am saying to myself, "Look at how well I am accepting how little say I have in the things that affect me the most!" I guess I am still morose. :/ In any case, I DID accomplish some things today. (Perhaps that is my problem - I have pushed myself so hard to constantly be ACCOMPLISHING something that I have a hard time just relaxing. If I accomplish nothing it feels like wasted time. Who knows? The greatest measure of all this will be if I still feel the same way this time next week! :))
I hope you all had a wonderful Sabbath and that Nadia's talk went well! Love you all very much! XOXO, A
Oh! And just like that my day is brightened! Did you see google's setup for today? Where the Wild Things Are! A wonderful book, a wretched movie! It reminds me of my childhood, especially of California. My heart is warmed! Thank you google!
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| My chin matches my shirt! |
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| See!? Yellow and yellow.... |
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| Put my hair up so I could go out into the heat :) |
I have the same problem. If I don't feel like I accomplished something in a day (or MANY somethings), it feels like I've wasted a whole day. It's a disturbing feeling. Your dad accuses me of making up things to do. (Teachers don't have to make things up; there is always plenty for me to do.) Just sitting, even to watch a movie or TV, is really hard for me. I have to be doing something -- sorting socks, folding laundry, cutting out lamination, .... The only thing that I can do to really relax is to read.
ReplyDeleteI HAVE CORRUPTED YOU!!!!
Thanks a lot! Sheesh - corruption indeed! I mean, I want to get things done, but at the same time it makes it REALLY hard to just relax and re-energize.
DeleteReally? You hated the movie? I LOVED IT and was only neutral about the book--so, I guess it makes sense. But, I feel the same way about accomplishing something, no matter the day. I think it's a good thing, and a sign that you've moved past the teen years!
ReplyDeleteThe movie was so terribly depressing! I'm not saying I don't want to be driven. I'm saying I don't want to feel like a failure if I take a day to relax.
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