A Delirious Day

Today was a day of near delirium for me. With my cramps the way they are I have felt quite ill and like this day went on forever. Even now it's only 21h30 but it feels like I've been rolling in bed for days with a fever. I don't care for this feeling. However, I'm glad to know it will pass soon.

This morning passed well and the bike ride, though hot, was not unbearable. I was blessed with very little cramping. Church was great and I'm even beginning to understand sentences here and there. :) That is exciting for me. After church was over I was able to skype my family and talk to my Maman, Papa, Nod, Josh, and Adri. It was good to hear news from home. They also got to see my chin in prime time. :) After I said goodbye to them I left the church. It was almost 14h00 and here 1400-1600 are the hottest hours of the day. When I left it was overcast, for which I felt very grateful and then it went on and off (overcast to fully sunny) as I pedaled home.

When I got home it was like I was in a fever dream. I have been jumpy all day because of the story in my funny moments. I got to message my best friend and it seems like days ago rather than hours. Feeling like this is quite dissatisfying. It feels like I ought to have a choice about how I feel but no matter how many times I tell myself, "I'm fine! Look how well I'm doing!" The next minute I am writhing and crying because of some physical or emotional pain. Today I spent a lot of time making myself miserable. It was time very ill-spent. And I couldn't stop myself from doing it. I kept saying, "Stop that! It's not making you happy and it's not going to make you happy!" I looked at the wallpaper on my phone (that has been such almost since I got it) - it's the picture of Christ visiting the Americas. I love that picture! Even staring at it didn't cause my destructive thoughts to derail. Which makes me anxious and makes me wonder, "What is wrong with me!?" And it feels like it can't only be the hormones... but there it is. (Sorry this is so dark - this was my afternoon.) Then the sun set early, as it always does here and though it's usually a huge relief because the day gets cooler today it felt like a door closing on me, locking me into a dark room. AARGH! I despise feeling this way. In any case, here I am trying to make sense of my experience and I am hoping that tomorrow goes well. I am about halfway through Crime and Punishment and am finding it, thus far, a very engaging read. (I have not been able to pay full attention to it at times today and had to stop and just lay on the heating pad because it was all on which I could focus.)

I hope you are in better health and happiness than I currently find myself. I am determined that tomorrow will be better and that I will stop torturing and worrying myself over the things I can't know and the things I can't change. It does nothing for me to work myself up. Now if only I can convince my pain-addled brain! Love you all! XOXO, A

Funny moments:

Well this would be more aptly labeled (for me): a moment of terror. On my way to church I ride down a nice back lane/alley. It's quite long and narrow. Today near the end, there was a piece of machinery that was set up in the middle taking up nearly the entire road (leaving 1.5' room or less on either side to pass). I wasn't sure if I could try to get past or if I would be made to go around. I had cycled past a construction worker and when he saw me stop and get off my bike, he ran back yelling "Gomen!" (Sorry) And in the meantime there was a tickling on my arm and a GIANT spider (it looked exactly like those giant brown recluse spiders they get up in Idaho) was running down my arm. I FREAKED, screamed and started crying. The poor workman must have been very confused. He starts apologizing and I scream and start crying. Poor guy! I know the word for spider in Japanese and that's what I said to him. He almost stepped on the thing when he approached me (I wish he had!). I trembled most of the time at church and I have been extremely jumpy all day! Ick!

One other quick story that I forgot to share last Wednesday. The French LOVE puns. As it turns out, the Japanese do too. Now I was told about this joke but then I got to pull it off myself! Hakujin means white person. Then haku means to sweep and jin means person. (Haku also means to throw up.) In any case, Elder Saunders (from Idaho) was miming sweeping to try and get the Japanese class members to say the right Japanese word all while he was saying the English. I leaned over to the girl next to me (she's in the ward and is in junior high or high school) and said, "Eh! Hakujin!" She laughed pretty hard. I felt so awesome!! Even though this moment was brought to you by Jake, I made my first joke in Japanese!

Oh and one more thing! (Not a funny story but good news) -- I now have a tithing book so I can pay my tithing tomorrow! Hooray!! :D

I took the picture from this angle so you can see that the bruise is now moving up my chin! LOL It's more of a goatee everyday! I am so lucky! If only I could stroke my little pseudo-beard without it hurting.