The day I get my shiz together (or at least start)

First things first, Happy Birthday Josué! Hope it's wonderful (as I am posting this before you're even awake in the US)!

A couple days ago, my head teacher called me. It was during my "small victories" walk. I didn't have the number in my phone (though she had given it to me), but I texted and said, "Sorry I was on a walk and missed your call." -"Can I call now?" -"Sure!" :) Well it was Anne Priddy and she asked how I was getting on (she's English) "Not well, but it's personal stuff." -"Oh, well has someone shown you round the city?" -"Not really." -"Great! I'll show you round!" Friday morning worked best for her so we decided to meet at 11 am Friday morning (this morning). A hundred, thousand times I wanted to text and cancel. I wanted to beg off but I kept my hands firmly away from my phone, determined not to PURPOSELY become a hermit. So, this morning when my alarm went off I was fairly frustrated. That is because, in emailing Joanna (Sakievich) last night, she said something that struck me, "Sleep in the safety you can claim as His daughter." What!? I can claim that!? I've been begging and pleading to have nightmare-less sleep for months now. (Really for years, but they stopped for the majority of my marriage.) So last night when I prayed I said, "Joanna said you would help me sleep and feel safe, so I want that." I had the best sleep I've had in a LONG time. It wasn't dreamless (I dreamed that some male actor - now I can't remember which - was investigating the church!), but it was nightmareless. So when my alarm went off it was breaking the first peace I've had in a LONG time. However, I look forward to peaceful sleep tonight. (mmm)

So I got up, and the first thing I did was read my emails. I wrote back to Dre first and then I saw I had an email from Brother B that I want to quote here (I hope he doesn't mind) as he hit the nail right on the head: "It feels to me like you are dealing with hopelessness. You do not have any hope, which is why are so discouraged and in dark despair. I believe the reason you have no hope is because (a) you are not doing what you really wish you were doing and (b) you cannot see any change in your future-any time when you will be doing what you want, when your dreams will come true.

A secret of life is to learn to have hope in Christ even when things aren't going the way you want them to, and you can't see them going the way you want in the near future.

So, what are your goals? Well, right now you are lonely, experiencing culture and language shock, and in despair from not having any hope in the future. Nothing to look forward to. Nothing you are excited about. Feeling alone, lost and dealing with the painful future.

You are in the same position that Joseph in Egypt was in: you have been betrayed by your loved ones, you are in a foreign country, experiencing a foreign culture and language, and you are all alone. What did Joseph in Egypt do? How did he push through the exact same situation you are in? He placed his hopes and faith in Christ. Although he didn't know how and couldn't see how the Lord would ever deliver him from prison and loneliness and misunderstanding, he believed that the Lord would deliver him. He had hope in the future without seeing how things would ever work out. That's why he is in the scriptures. Not because he was in prison, or sold by his brothers, or any of that; he is in the scriptures because despite all of that he had hope and faith in Christ. How can you get that hope and faith in Christ? Pray for it. Ask for it."

As I said, he hit the nail right on the head. And every bit of help I can get, I will gladly take. Right now I am doing a lot of distraction work on my own brain.

After that, I got ready to meet Anne. I sort of wandered around to the wrong places so I was a few minutes late, but it was nice to see her and meet her. (We had watched a video during training of her teaching so I knew what she looked like.) In any case, I had texted her last night about movies (as my cell company arbitrarily slows the speed of your internet down after you pass 7 megs to a trickle EVEN THOUGH I am paying for unlimited data. GRRR) and renting them so I would have something to do. So she told me to make sure I had my gaijin card (my residence card) and something that showed my address. I brought my mail but it turns out that having my residence card was enough. She asked how I had it already and I told her that it had been given to me at immigration. She said they just changed it last year. It used to be that you had to apply for it at City Hall and it would take minimum 2 weeks to get and in the meantime you couldn't do anything as you have to show that card for everything. So, mmm, I got my card at the airport! So we walked to the video store and on the way there I found out (well Anne reminded me) about country codes. ARGH! So I now have a card but renting a movie, atm, does me no good as my laptop is region 1. However Anne has a friend who downloaded a program that allows her to watch Japanese movies on her laptop so I will be getting an email or text later so that I can make that possible for myself. (And really I will likely have to wait until my data count starts over again anyway as downloading right now is a JOKE. - It took 2 HOURS to watch 10 minutes of a 27 minute tv show on youtube last night. I have to give up on that until I have data again! However, mmm, I can still skype!) Still, I have an opportunity to rent movies in the future! It cost money to get the card (¥400), but my sanity is worth it. At the video shop, as I was filling out my info, Anne saw my birthdate and exclaimed, "That's my birthday too!" AND her middle name is Marise. o.0 Ann Maryse and Anne Marise with the same birthdate.

After that Anne and I walked to the central of town and she took me to the Moss building. It had a GIANT bookstore. Oh man it felt like home to be around so much literature (mmm). They even had a small English section! The books were VERY expensive, but I decided that, once again, my sanity is worth it. I bought 3 books that cost me a little over $30. Yipes. Still, now I have reading material and I love the author! - I got the 3 volumes of The Chronicles of Chrestomani by Diana Wynne Jones. :D Then we left and continued walking to Morioka station. Anne told me a little bit about the history of Morioka and the shrines that are here (during lunch as well). She told me about one called, "The 500 Disciples of ..." and she said it's 500 statues staring at you. She said it quite unnerved her and advised me to go on a day when I was feeling really great. I asked if I could take pictures inside and I can! So as soon as I work up the courage to go, I will take pictures and post them here. :) Finally we reached the center of town and she took me into the train station. I mentioed I had been to Jupiter (the store that sells foreign foods - and they specialize in American and Australian - and as we passed a cake place she told me how the cake here is divine. In fact, she blocked the cake from her vision to keep herself from buying any. As we passed a bread shop I commented, "THERE is my weakness." That made her quite happy as she had already planned for us to have lunch in a French bakery. Well, in a Japanese-French bakery. Get this:

That's the name of the place! I think that they were going for "La Vie Française." And check out what I spotted:

HAHAHA! Weenie and Camembert (that pastry underneath the sign is what the apple one looked like - it could be another one for all I know - the one I got was to the left side of the shelf though)

LOL It's not coques st jacques, but it still made me think of my parents. :) As I have mentioned in my other posts, I have been fairly ill and unable to eat. Last night I had that small onion roll and a little popcorn and it didn't sit well at all. It stayed down though, and I was able to drink a little water. This morning I had the rest of my miso soup and as we approached the bakery it all looked so good, but my tummy said, "I don't think so!" However, I was determined to eat. I've been wanting cheese so when Anne highly recommended a soft cheese and apple tart/roll, I grabbed one. I also grabbed a calzone as it had some meat and cheese and tomato sauce. I wanted to get a variety of nutrients in me. They had free water cups and I've been in a lot of pain that I think is due to, at least in part, dehydration, so I drank as much water as I could. The cups were tiny (like those jokes I got for the reception, lol) and I had like 8-10 of them. I ate my calzone very slowly as my stomach was determined to get rid of it. (I had to keep taking slow, deep breaths and thinking about what Anne was saying rather than the food itself.) OH HEY! The "work day is over!" song is playing. It plays every night at 18h00. At first I had no idea what it was, but someone called it that online and I'm sure they're right. Anyway, I managed to eat my calzone and my soft cheese and apple roll. They tasted heavenly, my stomach was ANGRY though. However, VICTORY! I had not thrown them up though my stomach has tried. HA! Anne and I discussed training and she talked about how awful she thinks the new system is and I found out this is the second year they have done it. She came 4 years ago so she got to have a different, hopeful training. It was nice to share stories in English. :) Oh! And she told me that Aina has a free English library on the 5th floor. They often have books donated (and I have one that I will donate that I brought over) and so I'm excited to check out their selection. Anne said sometimes they also bring books to training and trade them. In fact, I think I will take my book tomorrow (since I have training at Plaza Odette and will meet everyone in the Iwate Prefecture) and if I can't trade, hopefully I can bless someone's life as books have been a great blessing in mine.

Finally Anne told me she had a meeting to which she needed to go (oh I also found out you can't get good pain relievers here OTC, however there is a Gynecologist in Morioka who speaks English so I will go see him - as here they are very picky that you go to the right doctor to get help. So later I will get a prescription for pain killers for my cramps. Hopefully I don't run out of tylenol before then. :/ And if you're thinking of mailing me some, that's illegal. *sigh* - Sorry should have been more specific, my government health care kicks in in 3 months. That's why I have to wait. However, here it is a 30-70 scale so I'm thinking since I'm overdue my next laparoscopy that I should do it here. We'll see what the doctor says). Luckily I had talked to Anne about a curtain rod I had seen at the ¥100 shop. I asked her if they were strong enough to hold clothes (to change my closet into a more American-like closet) and she said no. She told me I could go to a Home Depot type store and get a rod there but it's far away. However I was determined to get my apartment organized and together. For my own sanity (my new mantra) and since Limor said she'll probably spend the night here tomorrow and drive home Sunday after training. So I was going to stop at the ダイソ (¥100 shop) on the way home and try and figure something out (I had gone there before and hadn't really found anything I liked for organization). However, on the way I noticed another shop called, cleverly, "¥100 Shop." In I went. And YAY! I found stackers. I was there for a while finding everything I needed, but I got it and here is my official, put-together, place (and sorry it's going to take forever to post this as my connection speed is SO slow - waiting for these pictures to send and then download takes forever!):

My dishes

My foods - don't worry, that's apple cider vinegar (no wine here!) :) - I have the popcorn seeds, oil, vinegar, popcorn, more vinegar, ramen (something easy to make when I have a long day), nori (seaweed for sushi), dashi, #5 curry (5 on the spicy scale), white stew mix, #6 curry - the hottest you can get - , seaweed on top of that, tisane-btw apple tea with milk is incredible-, and prewashed rice.

My freezer contents - ham, bacon, chicken, veggies, ice

My fridge - the bottom shelf is that way because the ham & bacon box used to be there and the second shelf because the miso was there - now you can see how giant those apples are! (next to the yogurt cups) -that's butter on the top shelf (SUPER expensive), on the second shelf there is some sort of sauce that M-s recommended I get, in the brown box is miso and on top of it tofu, in front of that: milk. On the bottom shelf there is those thin, white mushrooms, chives, and in the door I have sodas for guests, and fruit-veggie juice and water - oh and katsu sauce which they say is like BBQ sauce but it's actually more like A-1. Also, fun fact: the veggie-fruit juice I've opened (the carton) is WAY more veggie than fruit. In the US, it's the opposite. In any case, it's been strange to drink carrot-tomato juice with a hint of apple. I haven't yet tried the other one.

My handiwork (the line I stringed) and my hot plate - just made some hard-boiled eggs so they would last forever (easy thing to grab when I'm hungry)

Looking into my bathroom - typically the drainer is in my sink, but I put the eggs there

The top of my fridge - and the drainer after I put away all the dry dishes

My bathtub and shower things

The toilet and other toiletries

What you see when you walk into my room first - the Japanese separate their trash

My work corner has: my corner line where I dry my socks and leave my hangers, 2 trash bags: one of paper, on plastic, my new books and the one I'm giving away, my computer and desk stuff, and a photo book of my family (plus my chair on which I have my towel and put my jacket and purse when I got home)

A more comprehensive view - and you can see my new mirror (this place didn't come with one!), my Eastern wall

My window - I opened up the partition so you could see I have some ledge space (right now that space is COLD)

My bed to the side I have a basket with my scriptures, gospel manuals, contact stuff, etc - on my bed is my jacket and sewing kit as I need to fix a clasp and then my pjs at the bottom

YAY! I found these hooks at the ¥100 shop today - now my jewelry is organized

Here are the stackers I found to organize my clothing, yay

A more comprehensive view

And if you've forgotten my face: here it is!

So that's it. I would like to get a rug on which I can stretch (the wood is freezing all the time right now) and to use as a "company" rug. I also would like to get a steam iron - it seems like it would be easier to get my clothes wrinkle free that way. Maybe the humidity will just do it for me anyway? When I get it, I'll hang the newly steamed clothes on the line in the corner. Anyway, trying to make plans and keep myself busy. I feel on the edge of a panic attack most of the time and I believe the nausea I have right now is from a KILLER migraine. Hope you're all doing well - I'm doing my best to move forward and have faith. 

XOXO, A

P.S. I still want to make that video tour, I'm just going to hold off on it as there's no way with my current connection speed that it will upload