... Just ...

T5B: 1) I got to spend time with Limor. 2) I got some red meat. 3) I was able to onsen. 4) I got to skype my family. 5) I got to see Devin and Marta.

basal temp: 36.75

The day started pretty well. Last night on Reddit I read about a sleep app that monitors your sleep and wakes you up at a better time (that is, when you're not in a deep sleep). You set the alarm and it will wake you up at that time or up to a half hour early. The alarm went off a half hour early (so I was in light sleep rather than deep sleep), but I actually woke up a few minutes before it went off. It told me my sleep was 85% efficient. ... OK! LOL I get a B+ at sleep. I got up and got ready for church. I then rode my bike and it started to rain. This time, sorry everyone, I didn't pull out my umbrella and hold it in my teeth. I was already 2/3rds of the way to church so I just accepted the sprinkling for the last 1/3rd. At church all the new elders and sisters introduced themselves. Then we had two talks. I'm not really sure what they were about. They were a little technical so the elder had a harder time translating. I enjoyed the spirit of the meeting though. Our Sunday school lesson was about the Second Coming. It was a really great lesson. I really enjoyed it. After church I skyped my mum. :) She gave me the update on home. :) Next, I was visit taught. It was really nice. Even though Goto and Fumie-shimai speak very limited English, we used my phone and it was a really good experience and lesson. Fumie is also going to help me get some more printer ink (I'm about halfway through the stuff I've got and though it's halfway through the year, the second grade teachers like me to print more pictures and materials like that so ... ya I need more ink! They also talked to me about my pain. I told them the medicine that Shinoki gave to me has been the best so far. So Goto-shimai offered to get me some more. I thanked her profusely and told her to let me know how much it was so I could reimburse her.

After that, I found out Limor was already at my place (oops) and I booked it home. We then headed straight to the onsen she wanted to visit. It was really beautiful and very relaxing. Luckily we got there at the end of their day so people were leaving. I got pictures of the onsens!! (Obviously I couldn't take pictures of the other onsens I visited because there were still naked people inside!) And luckily this is the most beautiful one I've visited so you get the good stuff! :D We then went back to my place and talked for a little bit then headed into town. I feel REALLY badly - I totally forgot at this point that it was Sunday. So we ended up going out to dinner (Limor had a place she really wanted to visit). They had "burgers." It was more like meatloaf in a weird shape. In any case, I got some red meat! I asked for my sauce to be SUPER spicy - they failed. Oh well. Then I asked for pineapple and cheese on top. They came back and said one topping only. So I went with the pineapple. Their pineapple LITERALLY tasted of pine needles. As if they had taken pine sap and rubbed it on the pineapple. So it was kinda unappetizing (the pineapple at least). Still, yay red meat! Limor and I then shared an ice cream parfait.

We then headed down to a bar in town to see (what was supposed to be) a bunch of Interac people. Neither of us wanted to drink - we just wanted to say hello. So, we walked downtown and turns out Kiwi James, Devin, Marta, and this English guy (Aaron) were the only ones there. I sang two or three karaoke songs. I kept people between James and myself at all times (since he's harrassed me in the past) and later I found out that Aaron was harrassing Limor. Aaron turned out to be a MAJOR jerk. I don't care what he's like sober. He was SUCH a jerk drunk that I don't care to ever see him again. We found out James was leaving (he's got a job in Perth) and then we went to leave. Oh, Marta and Devin were lovely! So, as we're leaving, James comes over and pokes me in the chest and touches my chest - I got really upset at him. He thought it was funny. -He tells me, "You can do it to me! Fair!" Ya whatever dude, not fair and DON'T TOUCH ME. I was wearing my ring and Limor TOLD him to knock it off (as did I) but then he grabbed me and kissed me on the lips. Ya, another HUGE line crossed. I was NOT happy. Limor was not happy - we were glad to see Devin and Marta but .. rough night.

However, we were able to salvage it a little at my place. We watch Star Trek and (turns out we're both big fans) ate some popcorn and chatted. Then we went to bed (at 01h00 - *sigh*). Anyway, as always, all my love! XOXO, A

My sleep!

The onsen we visited - and Limor!

The outdoor onsen (and this onsen is all natural so it's sulfur-y) but so good for the skin!

The indoor onsen (this one was much hotter and we sat in it maybe 5 minutes

The shower, rinsing off station

Beru (the name of the restaurant)

We got to be in a traditional room!

Me at dinner

The have a little courtyard garden that was hard to see in the dark - and then more places to eat

LONG day

T5B: 1) I got to go to Hibiki-chan's baptism. 2) A new friend bought me lunch. 3) I managed to not throw up yesterday (by great force of will) and today as well! 4) I've only had a low key migraine today. 5) I got to play piano. :)

basal temp: 36.65

Today was a bit rough for me. I've learned something about me: I really AM an introvert. I used to think I was naturally shy and that I just decided to change in high school and bam: outgoing. It's more like, I'm an introvert who learned how to step out of her shell. Mon-Thurs I work for ten hours and I'm surrounded by people. When I get home I just want to be left alone. I like to see people and I'm glad I have a part time job now but it's all very taxing for me. Usually I can recharge on the weekends but this weekend is jam-packed.

The day started with me waking up REALLY early. I only had 5 hours of sleep. :/ I then got up and since I was so exhausted I didn't get anything productive done. I just worried about how much time I was going to have to spend out of my apartment today. Around 10:10 I headed out to Zenrinkan. I told them I would help for two hours, and I did. I met and ran the nachos station with Gladys (from Colombia). We pretty much spoke Spanish the entire time. Now THAT was nice. She also asked me why I wasn't eating. I told I had not brought any money, and she kindly gave me $2 and I bought some really delicious Chinese food (a scoop of rice, a brown hard boiled egg, meat mixed with some spices including anise and some overcooked greens - well they were soggy). I thought that was very sweet of her. :) Also one lady did a Chinese tea ceremony presentation so I had some Chinese tea. Another lady did a Korean Okonomiyaki cooking demonstration. Gladys got some and was going to give me half and I asked for a quarter (I wasn't that hungry - hard to be when you've spent so many days puking up what you eat). It was REALLY good. And I was glad of that because I don't care for Japanese Okonomiyaki. Then two girls from the US put on a demonstration and marketed their homemade BBQ sauce. I guess I'm pretty picky. It tasted like glorified ketchup to me. I miss Bullseye. :/ MM Hickory smoke... Anyway, their veggie kebabs were ok. (They hadn't marinated the veggies and they really didn't cook them so it was like dipping raw veggies in BBQ sauce). Still, I'm glad I got an opportunity to speak Spanish. :) I actually left there with my Chinese food (I hadn't eaten it there - ate it after I'd been home for a little bit). When I got home, I waited for 15h50 to leave to go to the church.

Once again, I didn't get anything productive done. I was so tired and sad that I was going to have to see MORE people - not that I don't love the ward... I just need ME time - or at least family time. (When Jerod and I were married we spent each night in each others' company. Once or twice a month we would have people over and have a game night or movie night and at first I thought I wasn't giving Jerod enough social time but it turns out he felt the same way I did. It's not that we don't like other people, we just don't feel a burning need to be social butterflies. Besides, we ate Sunday dinner with my family every week so that fulfilled that need and it was great to be with my family.) As soon as the time rolled around, I headed out. I biked pretty hard to get there (I have NO IDEA why I biked so fast) and I was exhausted when I got to the church. I had already been exhausted because of lack of sleep and then I drained the rest of my energy. Oops. :/ However, today was a day of languages! I met the two new missionaries in the area - .. I didn't even get their names. DOH! However, they are from Tahiti!! So we stood around and spoke French for 15 minutes before my interview time came up. Oh man, poor Elder Norawong. He kept telling me he wants to learn French. He said to me, (I thought) "Je peins." "You paint?" "Japan" "JapOn?" "Ya that's it! Japon!" "What are you trying to say?" "Bread." "... le pain." "LE!? Why le!? Why can't I say 'je'?" "Because that means 'I'." *cue storming away in frustration. LOL Thanks for the laugh Elder.

The meeting with the president was ... a little awkward for me. Elder Norawong translated (which made the meeting go MUCH faster) but then his two greenies were there (one being one of the two from Tahiti). It was like, "Everyone learn about Ann's financial situation!" :/ Still the president was very kind and said the church will help me with any surgery bills I might get if I can't cover them. Hopefully I won't need help. We'll see what happens. I don't even care so long as I don't have to be in pain anymore. As we were walking out of Hoshino-Kaicho's (President Hoshino's) office, Elder Norawong told me I look pale and sickly. LOL Thanks elder! -He wasn't trying to hurt my feelings but I did feel slightly alarmed at hearing that. Anyway, after my interview was Hibiki's baptism.

Oh! I forgot to mention, I emailed Yasue about the baptism and she agreed to come and sit with me and translate for me. Best oneechan ever! :D I was really glad to see her. Oh also Elder Norawong asked if I would play piano. "Sure!" So fast forward to the baptism. There are two talks, and then the President says MY NAME and "utaimasu" (sing). I was like, "ME!? I'M singing!?" Then I thought he meant piano so I go to sit down but Sister Gas is playing piano. I say to the congregation "Bikkuri shimasu!" (Surprise!) Then Elder Norawong says to me, "No, just the elders and sisters are singing. He made a mistake." Walk of shame back to my seat. :/ I made a big show of being relieved but what the heck everyone!? Scare me, don't let me play piano, don't let me sing!! It was a little like this one time in college when I was called and told I was a finalist for poet of the year at UVU. Well, they left my name off the program. They had called and asked me to read my poem so I went up all confused. They confirmed it was an oversight. Well they didn't even ANNOUNCE me. I had to walk up and announce MYSELF. It was humiliating for me. I made a joke, "They left my name off the program by mistake. Guess I didn't win!" Well THEN (and this is how scummy the stupid kids were who organized the event) they give out prizes and certificates to everyone who participated. They don't call my name. People from the audience notice and are looking at me. I have to paste a smile on my face. I left in tears. My parents, being incredible, went up to the organizers and reamed them out. Guess who had a certificate for me WITH MY NAME PRINTED ON IT but didn't give it to me in front of everyone. I still have no idea to this day what possessed them to treat me like that. Today was a little like that for me. (Though at least with these guys I know they didn't do it on purpose.)

The baptism was nice. A little weird: everyone clapped after the baptism ordinance was done. I was like... Why are we clapping in church!? (Lol I was taught that's not appropriate for sacred events.) It was great to spend some time with Yasue. I felt bad because I wasn't that responsive to people around me as I was just shutting down from people overload. I also was in pain. Not a good combo. I did my best, then when it was over I was sneaking out but then told to go say "Congrats" to Hibiki. I got in line, told her (omeditou), hugged her, then hightailed it home. The ride home was easier (it's mostly downhill) but I had a REALLY close brush with a bus. Good thing I'm used to living in Japan! I rode between a giant metal phone pole and a bus. If I had moved either elbow up, I would have hit the pole or the bus. Steady Japanese bike riding skills! YAY! (I really am getting to be a pro at this - plus an elder told me in a blessing that I would be safe in Japan, so I figured that meant I wouldn't get hit by a car on my bike.) At home I made some dinner and now I'm just trying to relax before tomorrow's round. At least I get to see my family. :D Happy Saturday! XOXO, A

AHAHAHAHA! I got this picture last night - Takumi is alive and well (has been since Aug 31) - anyway, as I was pouring myself water, my hand was shaking and I got water on the top of the fridge. Well Takumi fell in it, and as you can see, it perfectly stained his mouth like he's some little mischievous child who got into something they weren't supposed to eat/drink. LOL

This is Plaza Odette - we had some training here. It's also where you can get information in English about Morioka and Iwate (it's 3 blocks from my apartment).

Ang and Bisou sent me funny faces so I took one for them - didn't work for their phones so I ended up emailing it to Ang. :D

UNCLE!

You hear that pain, I am crying uncle! I give! Please stop. :c

In other news: this is my 183rd day in Japan! I'm more than halfway through a year! It's been like my mission - the first couple months were DRAGGING by and now they are flying. With my pain the days are long but the weeks are generally still flying by.

T5B: 1) Today was an easy day (physically and mentally) for me. 2) I got to take some pictures at the school (since the students had the day off). 3) I got to take some pictures at the teacher's competition. (I only wish I had asked sooner!) 4) I got to watch some Gintama. This show is REALLY funny! 5) It's FRIDAY! And though I have a VERY busy weekend, at least it's a weekend!

basal temp: ? I forgot to take it this morning. :c

I got much more sleep than I usually get last night. I woke up 40 minutes early but this time I was able to fall back asleep! :D When my alarm went off I was still tired but at least I didn't want to cry! I got ready, and put on my sport clothing. I then caught my bus.

At the school, Hashimoto-sensei said he would be waiting at the front for me. Well, he wasn't in the front and he wasn't in the office. I asked the office ladies for help and they called his cell. He was on his way and would be at Minami in about ten minutes. I then sat with the ladies. They gave me some tea and we had a small conversation. They said what Japanese people always say to me, "Nihongo, joozu! (skillful)" NUH UH! I'm working on it but come on! Ooh! Maybe they mean my accent! In any case, it was a fun little conversation and I made them laugh a couple times. :D Then Hashimoto-s arrived and darted upstairs to get my SLP. I then wandered around the school and took advantage of the emptiness to get more pictures for you all! (Well and me though I'm here almost everyday ~at MM that is.) Then we headed off. I still walk to the wrong side of the car. DOH! He was very kind and opened my door. His car didn't smell TOO strongly of cigarettes so I was glad of that. We chatted on the way and then got there in time for the opening ceremony. There was a bizarre skit and lots of talking and clapping. Then we had a REALLY bizarre group warm up. After that, there was the jump rope competition and a old-time cleaning relay! (I got pictures of that!) We got third place in both! :D Oh! And CS got second place in the relay. I cheered and clapped loudly! Actually during the jump rope competition, I went to sit with CS and they were asking about my health (they've finally received word). I answered their questions as best I could. They're such sweet people! :D I AM glad that I got pictures of the two VPs of MM and some of the teachers with whom I teach. :D

After that since I was forbidden to play volleyball, I went to yoga. The thing was some 2.5 hours long! 0.o I did my best to pay attention and I caught some things: minerals, vitamins, enzymes, No Meat Monday... lol. Ya pretty much katakana stuff. I really impressed the teachers sitting around me though! When we were doing the stretching portion (and I stretch almost everyday and am pretty flexible), they were exclaiming in awe! :D! Ya that's right! I win the flexibility competition! :D Then I wandered back to the main gym and watched two of our female teachers play badminton. I cheered for them though I don't know the rules of the game. Sometimes I was VERY confused. This girl on the other side played dirty! We lost. :/ While I was watching Saki-s came and asked me if I wanted lunch yet and I told her I would come after the match. Lunch was pretty good. It was buffet style and I grabbed some new foods I had never tried and a couple with which I was familiar. Unfortunately I didn't care for the curry but in Japan, you clear your plate. So I ate it as best as I could. It was sea food curry and had all kinds of clams and shrimp and other squishy things inside. I don't like my curry fishy! And that curry was VERY fishy. It tasted like I was chewing on ocean. :/ I survived though. I tried to do minimal chewing. I saw with the MM teachers who mostly spoke Japanese. *shrug* I'm getting used to not knowing what's going on... EVER. Sheesh. I felt left out though because they kept laughing and the yoga guy had everyone laughing most of the time. And I didn't understand any of the jokes. :c It was discouraging for me. Whenever I think I'm finally getting a grasp of Japanese... nope. :/ Oh well, I'm not giving up! After lunch we were allowed to go and I asked Hashimoto-sensei to drop me off at a bus stop on the main road by the school. He kindly did so, and I waited about ten minutes for the bus. I then got home around 1400! So early and SO NICE!

When I got home, I had another raging migraine. I was so sick and in so much pain that I just laid down and started to cry. Next thing I knew, it was 1600! I was terrified at first when I woke up. I didn't know where I was or what was going on (this is the first time I have napped during the day in more than 6 months). And though I had slept - my body SHUT DOWN - I felt WORSE. My migraine had built itself to a fury and my mouth kept watering, trying to get rid of my lunch. (Oh by the way, yesterday I had put that I didn't throw up as one of my blessings. About a half hour later, I threw up. COME ON!) In any case, I took some tylenol and tried to hope. Tylenol is not working for me lately and I don't know why. :c I then remembered the medication that Shinoki-shimai had given me and took that too. I had to lie down and take slow breaths in order NOT to vomit. I messaged Jerod and watched some Gintama and about two hours later I felt 80% recovered from my migraine! Truly a miracle as the past few days I have gottten a migraine around midday that has made me cry myself to sleep every night because I'm in so much pain. I can feel it trying to come back, but hopefully some tylenol will nip it in the bud. My uterus isn't hurting as much today, which is nice. I hope I feel better soon. At the peak of my migraine I was SO DISCOURAGED. It feels like I just get worse everyday. And I've thrown up every day this week and I just want to FEEL BETTER. And I feel so powerless. I take tylenol, no impact. I take the pills they prescribe, I feel worse. I have to work - I can barely function there. I didn't think I took my health for granted but the truth is I didn't realize how HARD everything is when you don't feel well. I mean I knew around my period - but constantly? I just don't know how people manage to live with daily pain. I feel like giving up. It takes so much energy to just walk around and then I have to talk, and I have to make worksheets, and I have to teach and usually I really enjoy those things and now they feel like torture. And maybe that's the worst thing for me. The things I used to enjoy cause me pain and grief now. I hope I have answers soon. :c In the meantime my life is FULL of things I have to do this weekend. Tomorrow I said I would help at Zenrinkan from 1030-1230. Then I'm supposed to meet with the branch president from 1630-1730. Then Hibiki's baptism is from 1730-1830. Then on Sunday I have church and Limor wanted to spend time with me. So after church I am going with her to an onsen. Then Monday the ward is doing their taco lunch. I promised to help cook. PLEASE let me feel better for the weekend. What usually would be an exciting line-up feels like arduous tasks. :c At least the onsen will help take out the huge knots in my shoulders and neck. -I wish yoga would have helped with that! Anyway, sorry for the complaining. Hope you're having a great Friday! XOXO, A

(sorry pictures removed)

The pill induced nausea subsides

Hooray for that!!

T5B: 1) I had another really good talk with Jerod (well messaging). 2) No pills to make me nauseous to take today! 3) I got to watch a movie I hadn't seen yet, thanks to Tara! 4) I only had to do ten minutes worth of work at home. 5) I got my favorite roll! (I've been checking the bakery all week and today I finally got one!)

basal temp: 36.38 (totally plummeted!)

I'm SO exhausted. The usual song and dance - fell asleep late, woke too early. Got ready, went to school.

I taught the first two class periods. They were both self-introductions to second grade (junior) classes. The first one went well. I felt really icky and was shaky and it felt like even my cells were quaking, but I made it! The second class went well as well. One girl asked me, "Do you like to dance?" DO I!? DO I!? LOL I did a little bit of dancing on the spot to the amazement of the class. I LOVE dancing. And, oh man, I went to erase the board (all we have are chalkboards so I'm glad I used those while student teaching so I'm an old pro now... well I thought so), and I fumbled the eraser and got chalk ALL over my black pants. DOH! I laughed immediately and the students didn't. I think they were too shocked. LOL Oh well. They wash. (Chalk isn't particularly good for cloth as it can dissolve and eat threads, but I got out as much as I can and I will wash them tomorrow or Saturday).

I had two prep periods after that and I used it for prep. I got a raging migraine in that time and then the nausea came back. But at least I'm done with those icky pills! By the time I had finished, lunch had already started. So I grabbed my lunch, ate and then had ten minutes to rest before my next two classes. I then went on to teach the same lesson twice to different first grade classes (sophomores). I'm SO glad it was Hashimoto-sensei's classes. He is such a HUGE support in the classroom. So it was nice, when I feel so run down, to know that I have someone who has my back. It also was nice because I got to try out this new lesson on my two brightest classes so I can see my weaknesses and not lose the whole class in the process. The lessons went well. :)

After that, I helped with cleaning time and hurriedly tried to put together my worksheet for the second graders next week. Luckily I was able to block it all out and ask Yasue for ideas. :) She was a big help. I actually got most of it done, which is amazing as I only had 30 minutes in which to do it. (Well, I stayed an extra 8 minutes over so I had worked on it for 38 minutes. -That includes gathering material and pictures online to support the lesson.) I then hurried to the bus and survived the ride home (between the sun and my nausea.. I was glad when the ride was over.) I stopped at the bakery and FINALLY! They had the roll I wanted. It was fresh out of the oven when I got there and I loudly said, "YATTA!" The girls laughed at me and (since I had grabbed two rolls - one of garlic bread and the other for which I had been searching: tomato and cheese roll) asked which was the one I was excited to have. I pointed to the tomato and cheese and said "Totemo suki!" I don't know if that works grammatically though. I THINK I said, "REALLY LIKE!" LOL (And for those of you who don't speak Japanese: suki is pronounced "ski".) I then stopped at the bus station and bought a bus pass (my other one will run out tomorrow morning). I finally got to go home!

I made some soup, sat down with my roll and started to watch that movie. I then got to message Jerod (so I paused the movie). We had another really good talk. After that I finished my movie and then I finished that worksheet. It took me another ten minutes to find an appropriate graphic and format it nicely so it would print correctly. I then emailed it to the teacher so she can take a look at it and then wrote this! Oh! I now I have 1001 pictures from my phone that I have taken in Japan. Tomorrow is also my 183rd day here. That'll be half a year plus half a day! :D In fact, since it's getting late here, I'm calling it halfway now! I can't believe it! Wish I spoke more Japanese to show for it. :/ Dang! Complex language, Japanese. Still, love you all and hope you are having a good end to the week. XOXO, A

A little congealed-ish by the time I got around to eating it, but this is it! It's SO GOOD! And I've been craving it like crazy - something about tomatoes (lycopenes I'm sure) and cheese (a power food - and the whole French blood thing). :D

MRI

T5B: 1) I survived my experience at the hospital. 2) Donut isn't dead! (That jerk played dead earlier today and freaked me out!) 3) I didn't throw up today! 4) I cleaned my bathroom. 5) I had the money to pay for my MRI! (Thanks to those French lessons!)

basal temp: 36.84

I forgot to mention a story from yesterday! For my self-introduction, one student asked me my favorite band. "My favorite band is System of a Down." "ME TOO!" "Hontou ni!?" (Really!?) He told me his favorite song is Sugar and asked mine. I named several. I asked him if he likes Serj's solo stuff and he said no. I told him I like it. But ya, really cool moment for me - most students have never heard of SoaD.

So this morning, I fell asleep late and woke up early. DAH! However I was able to go back to sleep for a little while. So I ended up with 6-7 hours of sleep. YAY! When I got up I firstly cleaned my bathroom. It's a nightmare and I was so sick of it being filthy so I just cleaned it. After that I showered and waited for the time to go to the hospital to arrive (I had like 45 minutes). When the time came, I hopped on my bike and rode down. I got there 5 minutes early and gave them my card. Shortly thereafter Yasue showed up and waited with me. We chatted and she helped me work on a lesson plan. Soon it came time (about an hour and a quarter later) to get my MRI. I had purposely not worn any jewelry other than one ring. I also had worn scrub bottoms as well. The only thing was my underwire. I let them know about it and answered some other questions (no I do not have a pacemaker, etc). Then they had me take my bra off as well as my shoes. Then I waited for my turn. We waited another maybe 30 minutes then they called me over. First thing? An injection! !? I said, "Kowai!" And they laughed. They told me it would hurt - but luckily I barely felt it. I looked away and then it was over. :) Then they got me into the room - we got me all squared away and tucked in and they stuck me in this TINY tube (well there was room but I have a little claustrophobia and I was hyperventilating). I did breathing techniques to calm myself down. Then suddenly, PANIC! I yelled out, "Chotto matte!" (Wait a second!) They pulled me out and kept telling me in Japanese that they didn't speak English. I used the most formal apology (there is no excuse) and kept saying "I forgot!" in Japanese. Ya... my bellybutton ring. DOH! (There is a reason I have it that is very personal to me - don't worry, I talked to my old stake president about it.) Ya... luckily it was at the beginning, and they weren't angry with me... but I felt like such an idiot and a jerk! I barely notice it usually so I forgot completely. :c They told me I had ten minutes to go and then stuck me back in. I once again closed my eyes and did breathing techniques and sang hymns in my head. I tried to make up a story in my head, but I was too freaked out for that kind of linear thought. I would sing a line of a hymn then count my breathing then sing another line of a hymn... ten minutes felt like an hour but then they were pulling me out! Whew. I looked up at the machine where it said "namae" (name) and ya... only "Carlisle" was right. (Karairu) I told him I looked up and said, "Dare desu ka!?" (Who's that!?) They put my first name as "Anitsuku." Instead of a small "tsu" to make it Anikku (small tsu means double letter), they made it a big "tsu" - so the full character. I told them it was wrong but they just shrugged. Oh well.

I remembered the way back and we walked back to the office. I don't know if it was pain, the medication, or all the hyperventilating I had done, but the walk back was shaky. My head was swimming and swirling. By the time we got a corridor away, I started to sway and walked sideways into the wall. Yasue looked back, I told her I was dizzy and she motioned for me to sit. Well, I am a stubborn girl! I pushed forward, swaying and holding onto the wall to get closer to the office. These two women watched me in mute horror. I think they expected me to pass out at any minute. They asked me about my medication - I told them how sick it made me. They asked me if I wanted to lie down, I turned that down. They also said if I wanted to see the doctor I could. I figured they would charge me for that and what was he going to do!? "You should lie down." Ah gee thanks doc. So I said no to that too. They prepared the bill and then I went downstairs to pay it. This time it wasn't as long a wait (they were at 1085 and I got 1112). Then I got up to hear the damage: $65. Really that was a miracle. When my hometeachers were here, they asked me how much money I had. I pulled out my coin purse and shook out $14 onto the ground. (Another reason Shuwa-kyoudai lent me some money.) So making that $58 meant I had just enough to pay tithing and my bill and have a couple dollars left over. I wasn't please with the price, but I felt very blessed. :)

After that, Yasue and I walked out to our bikes. She expressed concern about me getting home ok but I told her I lived close. I pedaled home and have spent most of the rest of the day in bed. Bruce stopped by to ask about the French classes and to ask me to take some more hours this Saturday (I figured, why not? I only took two of them though - 1030-1230 I'll be helping. I don't know if I will be paid, but I hope so!). Limor also called and I had planned on watching a movie but by the time our conversation was over it was too late. :/ Hopefully tomorrow evening. (It's disheartening for me though. I felt crappy and planned to treat myself to popcorn and a movie but now I don't have time. :c) Hope you're all doing well. Hope tomorrow is better at school than yesterday was! Love you! XOXO, A

One more thing: Some of you know, Jerod approached me (not literally of course) about getting back together in... April. There is a turbulent history leading up to that (at least from January 2012-up until that time) and I felt like I couldn't trust that he was being serious. Then at some point in June, I told him no. I told him it wouldn't work and he couldn't give me what I was looking for. He asked me what it would take to make me happy and I told him I wanted the Jerod I married. I wanted the Jerod with a testimony and a love of the priesthood and scriptures. He asked if there was wiggle room and I told him absolutely not. I also told him (since he has been talking about coming to Japan to "pick me up" at the end of my contract) that I don't even want to see him if he doesn't have his temple recommend and his priesthood. His mom told me I was being too harsh, but I feel like, "This is MY relationship and I only want what I've always wanted. Jerod knew from the start what I wanted." In any case, he has continually stepped up but I have offered him only a small portion of my heart. That's not to say that there was someone else there, I just didn't feel like I could trust him. I was told in a blessing that what happened with mine and Jerod's relationship would be according to the Lord's will. Because of the last 6-7 months of our marriage, I felt like Jerod was going to change his mind. The really good talk I mentioned a few days ago is when I finally told him all my insecurities about "us." I put all my fears out there. "What if you leave me again?" He assured me he would never let go of me again and shared some things that are his thoughts and not my place to share. It was a conversation that helped me to grow and relax a little. (Sorry long back story) As I was reading the chapter on unity last week (Lorenzon Snow chap 16) the Spirit asked me, "How can you ever be unified with Jerod when you are holding all his past mistakes against him?" Man, nailed right in the heart. The Lord, as always, is right. Even if we're not meant to be together, I can only benefit from letting all those things go. I'm terrified - my big three things: my health, me and Jerod, and whether or not I should stay in Japan have been hanging over my head. I feel like my Heavenly Father is asking me to see Jerod as He sees him and to forgive and SEE him. And I can see already how much he has changed. Life isn't perfect, but my Father in Heaven is. So I prayed right away for help forgetting all the bad things that happened. I wouldn't like it if someone held my past against me. I have grown and changed throughout my life and would like people to take me as I am now. So, although I cannot say if it's the Lord's will that Jerod and I end up together, I DO know that the Lord loves me and the Lord loves Jerod and the Lord is asking me to open my eyes and open my heart. So I will follow that counsel. Now I can't control how any of you feel about Jerod, but I will say that he has treated me better and better since April. I have been hard on him (holding his past sins against him) and he has been nothing but patient, apologetic, and loving. So the Lord asked ME to give Jerod a chance. I'm now letting you know WHY I have chosen to do so.

Another autocorrect mishap while talking about vitamin D consumption and absorption (cancer beds - tanning beds). For me it appears that not having fur is alarming. ;)